Emotional Creatures

Admit it, we are all emotional creatures.

One time in class, a young woman expressed her frustration with her inability to express her true feelings in a public business setting because of her fear that men (and even other women) may criticize and disregard what she was saying, because she was expressing herself "emotionally". She then said that she felt she should rather be silent then to have her words disregarded. Immediately I spoke, expressing my frustration with her silence but the greater frustration with her feeling belittled because of her natural emotional reactions.
Why is it considered a sign of weakness to express emotion in todays society? We are all aware that we are emotional beings and yet we fight that natural instinct. Why is it that society encourages our negative (even destructive) forms of emotion; pride, competitiveness, anger, and sarcasm but discourages humility, gentleness, compassion, and vulnerability? Why are these seen as a sign of weakness?

If you know or if you don't, I am going to tell you now, I am a VERY emotional person.

I've never viewed being emotional as a sign of weakness, but I think I have been told and structured to think of is as irrational; that I needed to second guess my instinctive emotion before expressing it because it's probably just my over sensitive nature and not actually logical to feel the things I'm feeling. Women probably understand this emotional doubt more than men, but this second guessing is something we have all done and have been told to do.
I'm not here to affirm your reactionary quality; taking a moment to think before reacting, acting, and speaking is always a good idea. Always. But that is different from second guessing the rationality of your emotions.

Here is the cool part:

Our God is an emotional God. He created us out of emotion, in response to His emotions. He took His beautiful, diverse, emotional characteristics of the Father, Son, and Ghost and divided them into two beings He called Man and Woman. He purposefully assigned these characteristics to each in reflection of who He is and who He wants us to be. In His completely rational mind, He formed us in His emotional image to be emotional beings.
That being said, emotions are not sinful.
Often times as Christians we are told to not feel some type of way about certain things, leading us to believe our emotions are sinful. This is poop. Emotions in of themselves are not sinful, it is what we choose to do with them where they are in danger of becoming sinful.
That is what sin does; it takes what is good and beautifully designed by God and poisons it for it's destructive use.
When it comes to our initial reactionary emotions, there is nothing wrong with having those feelings; it is natural. What tends to be wrong is how sin grips these emotions, harnessing them for foul intentions and then justifies these intentions in our minds leading us to react, act, and speak in sin.
The Iverson clan has been emotionally constipated in the past. It wasn't that we were discouraged to have them, it was that we weren't encouraged to express them properly and acknowledge the beauty of these God given and God made characteristics but recognizing where sin might have gripped them.
When my older brother married his wonderful wife, I remembering being blown away at how open she was with expressing herself. She cried, she got frustrated, and was open about sharing all of these raw emotions with her new family. I remembering being quite overwhelmed and unsure how to respond. So we teased her and called her oversensitive. How I have grown to admire this sister of mine. To this day she is true to her emotions, to expressing her God given sensitivity, to being vulnerable and raw with both her beautiful attributes as well as the ugly ones. Never have I met anyone who has been so free in their emotional expressing. And though for years I myself criticized and judged these characteristics, I have come to respect and admire her boldness in utilizing this freedom.
As I watch my 4 year old niece grow and learn about the broken world around us, I delight in seeing her sensitive heart hurt for our hurting planet. She cries because animals are mistreated, she's worried for trees in the Amazon, and she hates that we as humans are abusing the power and responsibility God gave us over His creation. She is sensitive to death and rejoices in life; this is rarely seen today. I pray this beautiful sensitive soul is never caged in shame, that she will always feel this freedom to hurt in the midst of brokenness and rejoice in what is good.

Friends, this is a freedom that we have as well. Our Creator WANTS us to utilize and express the attributes and characteristics that He has given us; characteristics that reflect Him. He wants us to respond to the pain in the world with tears, He wants us to be angry at injustice, and He wants us to be joyful in the beauty of His people and creation.

This is one of my favorite spoken words, presented at a TED Talk by Eve Ensler. This is directed towards girls/women but speaks truth to all. For females, it's the empowerment of being unashamed for the centuries of the belittling of our emotions. For all, it is the affirmation of the value of being an emotional creature.

I love being a girl.
I can feel what you’re feeling
as you’re feeling it inside
the feeling
before.
I am an emotional creature.
Things do not come to me
as intellectual theories or hard-shaped ideas.
They pulse through my organs and legs
and burn up my ears.
I know when your girlfriend’s really pissed off
even though she appears to give you what
you want.
I know when a storm is coming.
I can feel the invisible stirrings in the air.
I can tell you he won’t call back.
It’s a vibe I share.

I am an emotional creature.
I love that I do not take things lightly.
Everything is intense to me.
The way I walk in the street.
The way my mother wakes me up.
The way I hear bad news.
The way it’s unbearable when I lose.

I am an emotional creature.
I am connected to everything and everyone.
I was born like that.
Don’t you dare say all negative that it’s a
teenage thing
or it’s only only because I’m a girl.
These feelings make me better.
They make me ready.
They make me present.
They make me strong.

I am an emotional creature.
There is a particular way of knowing.
It’s like the older women somehow forgot.
I rejoice that it’s still in my body.

I know when the coconut’s about to fall.
I know that we’ve pushed the earth too far.
I know my father isn’t coming back.
That no one’s prepared for the fire.
I know that lipstick means
more than show.
I know that boys feel super-insecure
and so-called terrorists are made, not born.
I know that one kiss can take
away all my decision-making ability
and sometimes, you know, it should.

This is not extreme.
It’s a girl thing.
What we would all be
if the big door inside us flew open.
Don’t tell me not to cry.
To calm it down
Not to be so extreme
To be reasonable.
I am an emotional creature.
It’s how the earth got made.
How the wind continues to pollinate.
You don’t tell the Atlantic ocean
to behave.

I am an emotional creature.
Why would you want to shut me down
or turn me off?
I am your remaining memory.
I am connecting you to your source.
Nothing’s been diluted.
Nothing’s leaked out.
I can take you back.

I love that I can feel the inside
of the feelings in you,
even if it stops my life
even if it hurts too much
or takes me off track
even if it breaks my heart.
It makes me responsible.
I am an emotional
I am an emotional, devotional,
incandotional, creature.
And I love, hear me,
love love love
being a girl.

The First Controversial Topic

I want to make an important point before I begin expressing my opinions to the public.

I am an extremely opinionated person. Not only opinionated, but passionate, which can be a dangerous combination. When I speak, I speak with confidence, surety, and very often loudly. 

But know this, I speak equally as passionate about politics as I do about pizza.

It doesn't matter the topic, I have an opinion and I will gladly share it.

That being said, I also love and value other people's opinions.

I love hearing a disagreeing thought or a contrasting view. 

All opinions are valuable, not necessarily right, but valuable. So I love to hear them.

I'll have you know I am often wrong, and I pray I'm quick to admit it.

But it is through conversation, shared opinions, and Christ's work on us that

our opinions are directed toward truth and our minds sharpened.

I find great joy in listening to and learning from others opinions and views, and I just hope 

people can listen to and learn from mine. 

So please, as I put my thoughts and questions out into cyber space, 

please know that I, too, am trying to figure this "life" thing out

and we have the opportunity to do it together;

to challenge, sharpen, and grow in our ideas 

and hopefully, in this process, draw

closer to truth. 

Freedom in Culture & Freedom in Christ

This past year, I got box braids. 

I had wanted them for years and felt that it was time.

I sought opinions from multiple friends, both black and white, to hear their views.

While all of my black friends and the majority of my white friends were all about the idea, encouraging me with the usual, "You can pull it off," some of my other friends cautioned against it, claiming that it was culturally insensitive. 

I disregarded the concern and got braids. 

I loved them.

The braids were praised by not only my black and white friends, but by multiple strangers from the black community. While I had always felt welcomed and loved from the black circles I was apart of, there was a new form of acceptance that wasn't previously experienced. 

It wasn't until recently, months after having the braids removed, that the topic of why

this is culturally insensitive came up. 

My friends (none of whom are black) graciously opened my eyes as to how

my having braids could be another form of white supremacy. After such a wonderful and eyeopening conversation regarding these cultural laws, I felt the need to explore these do's and don'ts that, because I was not raised in this country, I'm evidently completely unaware of. 

So here I am, after a plethora of conversations, YouTube videos, articles, and searching scripture, with a new found opinion on what it means to have freedom in your culture or other cultures, and how that looks while having freedom in Christ. 

With the fashion industry and culture booming with never-ending "new fads," there have been many fads put to a quick end because of their insensitivity to religion. For example, Native American headdress was a quick fad. It came quickly and left even quicker. This religious symbol was a tribal representation of the knowledge and experiences gained by leaders of a tribe, often relating to their spiritual journey. So for obvious reasons, these should not be flaunted carelessly. Similarly, the Hindu bindi became a temporary fashion statement but was quickly shamed for the disrespect it gave to those who wear it for religious identification. There is nothing wrong with finding and appreciating the beauty that these elements offer. The fault lies in respecting and understanding that, as one who does not share those beliefs, it is offensive to those who's lives were and are marked by them.

To many people, wearing Aztec patterns, Japanese robes, Indian henna, or even French berets, is not considered offensive. These things are not religiously associated and therefore people have felt the freedom to enjoy these beauties beyond cultural boundaries. 

In my previous mindset, I thought having box braids would be in that same category. But I was enlightened to realize that it is not, merely because of the color of my skin. 

Due to the historical dynamics between white culture and black culture in the United States, it is seen as white supremacy for a white woman to have box braids. There is this new pattern being recognized in this country that certain attributes of black women that were once shamed and deemed ugly are now being glorified as beautiful, but only through the influence of white women; this ranges from big lips to a big booty. Through the love and desire for box braids, I am now being accused of taking yet another thing from black women that was once shamed (their hair), and influencing this country's view of it now being seen as beautiful. 

It makes me sad that the natural beauty of black hair has been and still is being shamed. It is real that women and men of the black community are asked to change or alter that for job positions and other reasons. It makes me sad that this country is still setting a standard of beauty even though we preach the beauty of diversity. It makes me sad that the black community has always had to bend to white culture, and there has never been an open encouragement to blend the two... Three, eight, twenty cultures represented in this country.

Being the stubborn, rebellious, no chill, over-thinking woman that I am, I needed Christ to solidify the truth that I was missing in this (deeper than box braids) cultural issue. 

When it comes to culture, there is beauty in all of it. There are centuries of evolution in culture as to why certain countries, nations, tribes, and races do things the way they do. There is history beyond our recording and beyond our understanding of how cultures have come to be the way they are. The coolest thing about that is that God, in all His creative and beautiful designing, has been forming and shaping these cultures since He first placed humanity on earth. The diversity of beauty in this world is only a reflection of the diversity of beauty that our God takes joy in, and something I think He wants us to take joy in, too. I think that this fear of embracing other cultures is yet another way that sin has brought division and the lack of unity between the many represented cultures in this country and throughout our world. 

All throughout the Bible, we see how the people of God have dealt with and adapted to different cultures. In some cases it was commanded and in others it was shamed, mostly when affiliated with other religions (*important point: religion and culture, though often inter-influenced, are completely different). When it comes to being a Christian, it is really hard to determine where the lines are drawn sometimes. The perfect passage for me to get a (almost) clear understanding on this issue was from Romans 14.  

Accept the one whose faith is weak, without quarreling over disputable matters.2 One person’s faith allows them to eat anything, but another, whose faith is weak, eats only vegetables.3 The one who eats everything must not treat with contempt the one who does not, and the one who does not eat everything must not judge the one who does, for God has accepted them.4 Who are you to judge someone else’s servant? To their own master, servants stand or fall. And they will stand, for the Lord is able to make them stand.5 One person considers one day more sacred than another; another considers every day alike. Each of them should be fully convinced in their own mind.6 Whoever regards one day as special does so to the Lord. Whoever eats meat does so to the Lord, for they give thanks to God; and whoever abstains does so to the Lord and gives thanks to God.7 For none of us lives for ourselves alone, and none of us dies for ourselves alone.8 If we live, we live for the Lord; and if we die, we die for the Lord. So, whether we live or die, we belong to the Lord.9 For this very reason, Christ died and returned to life so that he might be the Lord of both the dead and the living.10 You, then, why do you judge your brother or sister? Or why do you treat them with contempt? For we will all stand before God’s judgment seat.11 It is written:“As surely as I live,’ says the Lord,‘every knee will bow before me, every tongue will acknowledge God.”12 So then, each of us will give an account of ourselves to God.13 Therefore let us stop passing judgment on one another. Instead, make up your mind not to put any stumbling block or obstacle in the way of a brother or sister.14 I am convinced, being fully persuaded in the Lord Jesus, that nothing is unclean in itself. But if anyone regards something as unclean, then for that person it is unclean.15 If your brother or sister is distressed because of what you eat, you are no longer acting in love. Do not by your eating destroy someone for whom Christ died.16 Therefore do not let what you know is good be spoken of as evil.17 For the kingdom of God is not a matter of eating and drinking, but of righteousness, peace and joy in the Holy Spirit,18 because anyone who serves Christ in this way is pleasing to God and receives human approval.19 Let us therefore make every effort to do what leads to peace and to mutual edification.20 Do not destroy the work of God for the sake of food. All food is clean, but it is wrong for a person to eat anything that causes someone else to stumble.21 It is better not to eat meat or drink wine or to do anything else that will cause your brother or sister to fall.22 So whatever you believe about these things keep between yourself and God. Blessed is the one who does not condemn himself by what he approves.23 But whoever has doubts is condemned if they eat, because their eating is not from faith; and everything that does not come from faith is sin. 

Pretty heavy stuff, huh? It's funny how something so small as eating meat, drinking alcohol, and wearing braids is so influential to our faith and the faith of others. You wouldn't think that it's that big of a deal but it is. 

So, like I said, this ALMOST gives a clear perspective on how to respond in this and other issues. 

If I want to wear braids, I have the freedom in Christ to do so. BUT, though I haven't personally encountered any, if anyone of the black community takes offense to that and it leads them to have a bitter heart, that is not loving of me and therefore sin on my part. If something not considered sinful like braids, eating meat, drinking alcohol, causes a brother or sister to stumble, it, therefore, is not done in love. 

And this is where it gets difficult. Because no matter what anyone does today, someone will be offended, hurt, or caused to have a bitter heart. It is inevitable. But are we supposed to live our lives in the constant fear of offending others? I don't think so. Expanding on that, I also don't think we are suppose to live our lives waiting for the opportunity to be offended, either. And if we are constantly in that mind set, we are seeking a bitter heart. 

Throughout the Gospels we can see Jesus not being enslaved my cultural laws and cultural norms. When Jesus was on this earth, He shattered these cultural do's and don'ts. He showed that His love went beyond these laws. He was not enslaved to these rules, and neither are we.

Romans 14 has really changed my perspective and response to having braids. Before the desire to look into this issue, I would have had the braids done regardless of other opinions. 

But Christ has convicted my heart and opened my eyes to this idea of having the freedom in Him to love my brothers and sisters is so much more important than having the freedom in culture to wear box braids. It is only because of the freedom that I have in Christ that I really do have freedom in culture; to love, appreciate, and embrace them. But I also have the freedom to love my brothers and sisters and say no to my desires to embrace other cultures if it causes them to have a bitter heart. If I knew that I'd be in the company of someone who would have a bitter heart if I ate meat or drank alcohol, I would be cautious and sensitive to that. So I should have the same caution and sensitivity in regards to box braids. 

So, if I choose to not get box braids again, I want the world to know that it is not under a cultural law that I am obligated to follow. The choice would be out of the desire to love my brothers and sisters by not giving them the opportunity to harden their heart under my influence. 

If I do decide to have box braids again, it is because I have experienced freedom in Christ, a freedom beyond cultural laws and norms that this world is held captive to. I would hope that the color of my skin wouldn't effect my ability and desire to show my appreciation for the beauty in other cultures that I long to embrace, but unfortunately that will never be the case as long as this world is enslaved to cultural laws. 

Which leads me to wonder how this change will ever come about if some aren't willing to boldly break these cultural laws and have the uncomfortable conversations regarding this desire to be a beautiful blend of cultures. As a nation and as a world, we are quick to say we desire unity. But do we really? At whose expense can this happen? Can we love diversity, but as sinners incapable to embrace it lovingly? Will it only be in heaven that God's original and beautiful design will be seen? Or can we, in all our faults, attempt that here on earth through the freedom found in Him and in a response to His borderless love? 

Like I said, I'd love to hear thoughts and opinions on these things. All we can do is continue to seek truth in all aspects of life, and it's so much more enjoyable struggling through that together.

The New Year

Dear 2014,
You were the worst year of my life (hoping to keep it that way).
You were a year of pain; physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual.
You stripped me of joy, wounding me to my core, and left me empty of life.
Looking back at my time with you causes a heavy heart, sorrowful eyes, and a burdened spirit.
I lived a numb life; refusing to feel your effects on me, refusing to let you overcome me. But by denying the power you had on me, you swallowed me whole.
The watching world would never know that I had been consumed with darkness.
Even before my God, I could only weep in my burden of wounds.
But my heart didn't seek healing, it only sought relief from the pain.
I hate you, 2014, and the scars you left on my life.

Dear 2015,
I thought you would change things, that you would bring hope.
You didn't.
When you came, the wounds were still there; the bruises still visible, the pain still throbbing, and my heart still heavy.
What promises of hope I had in you, what joy I sought in your open arms.
What a long relationship this has been, a rollercoaster of a relationship.
You didn't bring healing, joy, or restoration.
But you reminded me where to find those things.
You kneeled my wounded and broken heart at the feet of the One who heals and restores.
You brought me to Christ.
It was there that I found healing, joy, and restoration.
It was there that friendships were redeemed, wounds aired out, and truth told.
What unexpected beauty was found in you.

Dear 2016,
I have high expectation for you.
Please allow my new found joy to thrive and grow.
Bring maturity, strength, and humility.
But please don't do so through trials and tribulations. I'm not sure I could stand any more pain.
Christ is still mending me back together, I'm too quick to shatter. . .

Dear Jesus,
Let me never hope in a new year to bring change in me.
Only You can do that.
Only in You can restoration take place, the broken made beautiful, and newness be found.
These cracks of sin can only be mended by Your loving hand with your tool of grace.
May I never forget Your sovereignty over sin; Your power over it's power.
Your pain over it's pain.
Forgive me for thinking You are beyond understanding the pain of sin, for You felt it all.
You know all pain, and You heal all pain.
Let me take You; all of You, only You, for my remedy and healing.
Forgive me for seeking relief, restoration and change in anything but You.
Let my heart seek You this day, this year, this life.
Let me be restored in You each day of each year of this life.
Let me be joyful in the freedom found in You.

Hidden In My Heart

Memorization has never been a strength for me, but it's a necessary habit. 

Growing up, my parents were very good about having weekly Scripture verses for us children to memorize. We would read them, talk about it, repeat it, write it out, and often make a song and/or hand gestures to go along with the meaning in order to utilize all of the senses in memorization. Surprisingly, I still remember a great deal of these verses. Unfortunately, after the constant structure of this weekly exercise was no longer forced upon me, I had no personal desire to continue this valuable habit. I can't remember the last time I disciplined myself to memorize a verse. That makes me really sad. 

So, one of the positive habits I would like to form in this new year is the weekly memorization of Scripture... Which actually started the last week of last year. 

Having no idea where to begin in searching for the "right verses", since ALL scripiture is God breathed and is useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting and training (2 Timothy 3:16) I decided to allow Christ to reveal to me which verses to study from the weekly sermons at my Sunday morning church gathering to memorize. 

So far, I have commited to memorize Ephesians 3:16-21, this is the passage my pastor has done a 2 week series on. This prayer is so rich in honorable desires for the Christian church. This is a prayer that I pray for the global church, for my community, and for myself. 

I pray that out of His glorious riches He may strengthen you 

with power through His spirit in your inner being,

so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith.

And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power,

together will all the saints, to grasp 

how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ,

and to know this love that suppasses knowledge-

that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God. 

Now to Him who is able to do immesurably more than all we ask or imagine,

according to his power that is at work within us,

to Him be the glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations,

for ever and ever! Amen. 

Ephesians 3:16-21

Why memorize scripture? 

Psalm 119:11 I have hidden your word in my heart, that I may not sin against you.

Deuteronomy 11:18 Fix these words of mine in your hearts and minds; tie them as symbols on your hands and bind them on your foreheads.

Psalm 1:2 ...His delight is in the law of the Lord, and on His law he meditates day and night.

Jeremiah 15:16 When your words came, I ate them; they were my joy and my heart's delight...

Psalm 37:30-31 The mouth of the righteous man utters wisdom, and his tongue speaks what is just. The law of his God is in his heart, his feet do not slip.

Proverbs 6:21-22 Bind them upon your heart forever; fasten them around your neck. When you walk, they will guide you, when you sleep, they will watch over you, when you wake, they will speak to you. 

Proverbs 22:17-18 Pay attention and listen to the sayings of the wise; apply your heart to what I teach, for it is pleasing when you keep them in your heart and have all them ready on your lips.

Philipians 4:8 Finally brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable- if anything is excellent or praiseworthy-think about such things.

There are so so so many more, but here are just some that I hope will inspire you to take up this discipline with me. Maybe after each month I'll post the weekly verses, by memory of course. 

The Drafts (8)

Some days, 

I feel everything as once.

Other days,

I feel nothing at all.

I don't know what's worse:

Drowning beneath the waves

Or dying from the thirst.

           There is a lot to be said about the many thoughts and feelings in my mind and heart.

They have eaten away at me this past year, and honestly, are what inspired me to start blogging. 

It's only taken 23 years, but I now know that in order for me to fully contemplate, mediatate, and understand my ideas, thoughts, and, ultimately, my world view, I must express it verbally or written in a way to hear it or see it outside of my cluttered head.
          I have 8 drafts waiting to be completed, and 7,239 thoughts behind each draft waiting to be made sense of in this mind. As I've worked on each draft, I feel as though my thoughts are a carousel going round and round, up and down, but really not going anywhere. As I have new conversations, hear new lectures or sermon, or have a new feeling, it's like a new thought hops on the spinning chaos and adds a whole new twist of madness, changing whatever "progress" I've made in my mind.
        And then there are days when it all shuts down. I turn everything off.
I watch a movie, and maybe 3 more, to distract my brain from thinking these trivial thoughts on life and I resist the urge of my heart to feel its natural emotional self by telling it to rest, and that I don't have the energy to feel today.
        But, today a conclusion has been made. I will never understand, grow, or learn without the input of others. So I post my scattered strange thoughts for all to see and I hope that I will get a response or input of wisdom. Whether it be easy words or hard, encouragment or rebuke, all input is welcome with (I hope) an open mind and heart. So, please, throw your thoughts onto my crazy carousel and let's take this wild ride of understanding together.

His Beauty

... all write dark things against me.

I deny them not, frame no excuse,

But confess, "Father, I have sinned";

Yet still I live, & fly repenting to Thy outstretched arms;

Thou wilt not cast me off,

For Jesus brings me near

Thou wilt not condemn me

For He died in my stead

Thou wilt not mark my mountains of sins against me

For He leveled all

& His beauties cover my deformities.

Oh, my God, I bid farewell to sin

By clinging to His cross,

Hiding in His wounds,

& sheltering in His side. 

Divine Mercies

-The Valley of Vision