Elliot loves me.
This is the first time a man has told me he loves me (in a romantic way) and I have believed him.
I've been told by men that they love me, but there was always greater reason not to believe it than to believe those overused, man-perverted words (because human kind perverts all that God has deemed good and beautiful, that's just what we do in our fallen state).
The first time he told me, I couldn't sleep that night, because I didn't know what to do with the feelings that he was having. I didn't know how to respond, I didn't know how to process, I didn't know how to return it because I wasn't at the same place he was emotionally. So I told him I wasn't there yet and wanted him to check himself because I couldn't actually understand how he had fallen in love with this wreck of a human. I questioned, I challenged, and I fought it. And I'll never forget what he said in response to my doubt.
He said, "My love for you isn't something you need to understand now, or even ever. It is a gift, it is something you just get to receive."
That pissed me off.
Because I wanted to understand.
What a beautiful representation this is for me in my small, stupid mind.
For some unexplainable reason, the God of the universe chose to love me.
Not because He saw me fit to be loved, not because I earned His love, not because He needed my love in return... but just because.
We love to find reason for God's love the same way we seek ownership of other's love. Our pathetic human tendency is to prove our worthiness, even when we are not worthy at all. We desire the affirmation of ourselves more than the affirmation of something being "just because".
Though as Christians we know God loves us, we continues to prove to ourselves that we are worthy of it, and we fail to accept His reasoning of, "I love you just because."
I don't think genuine love needs a reason.
One time, early on in our relationship, Elliot was leaning down to give me a kiss and I tilted my head up to receive it on the lips. But he gently tilted it back down, shaking his head.
He leaned in and kissed me on my forehead.
I asked him why he kissed me there, and he said because it is a place for sacred kisses.
He explained that forehead kisses are earnest kisses of love, in the language of many men.
I looked this up and it's actually a thing.
Kisses on the lips expect a reply, an interaction. The man is giving with expectation of receiving.
When a man kisses a women's forehead, he doesn't seek anything in return. He is kissing her crown; loving her being, not what he can get from her being.
He's kissing her just because.
He's loving her just because.
When God made us the crown of His creation, He made us with the intention to love us.
He knew what we would be, He knew our love was conditional.
But His isn't.
He chose to love us, just because. He chooses to love us, just because.
His love for us isn't something for us to understand now, or even ever. It is a gift, it is something we get to receive and just sit in.
How wonderful it feels to just keep your chin down, to just receive those forehead kisses.
To not feel worthy of love, but to just be loved.
God loves me.
Not because I'm worthy of it, but because He said He would.
Not because He is only faithful to me, but because He is faithful to Himself and His covenant.
God loves you.
Not because you are worthy of it, because He said He would.
So drop your prideful head, and let Him kiss your crown.
Because you are the crown of His creation,
and He loves you
just because.
This is the first time a man has told me he loves me (in a romantic way) and I have believed him.
I've been told by men that they love me, but there was always greater reason not to believe it than to believe those overused, man-perverted words (because human kind perverts all that God has deemed good and beautiful, that's just what we do in our fallen state).
The first time he told me, I couldn't sleep that night, because I didn't know what to do with the feelings that he was having. I didn't know how to respond, I didn't know how to process, I didn't know how to return it because I wasn't at the same place he was emotionally. So I told him I wasn't there yet and wanted him to check himself because I couldn't actually understand how he had fallen in love with this wreck of a human. I questioned, I challenged, and I fought it. And I'll never forget what he said in response to my doubt.
He said, "My love for you isn't something you need to understand now, or even ever. It is a gift, it is something you just get to receive."
That pissed me off.
Because I wanted to understand.
What a beautiful representation this is for me in my small, stupid mind.
For some unexplainable reason, the God of the universe chose to love me.
Not because He saw me fit to be loved, not because I earned His love, not because He needed my love in return... but just because.
We love to find reason for God's love the same way we seek ownership of other's love. Our pathetic human tendency is to prove our worthiness, even when we are not worthy at all. We desire the affirmation of ourselves more than the affirmation of something being "just because".
Though as Christians we know God loves us, we continues to prove to ourselves that we are worthy of it, and we fail to accept His reasoning of, "I love you just because."
I don't think genuine love needs a reason.
One time, early on in our relationship, Elliot was leaning down to give me a kiss and I tilted my head up to receive it on the lips. But he gently tilted it back down, shaking his head.
He leaned in and kissed me on my forehead.
I asked him why he kissed me there, and he said because it is a place for sacred kisses.
He explained that forehead kisses are earnest kisses of love, in the language of many men.
I looked this up and it's actually a thing.
Kisses on the lips expect a reply, an interaction. The man is giving with expectation of receiving.
When a man kisses a women's forehead, he doesn't seek anything in return. He is kissing her crown; loving her being, not what he can get from her being.
He's kissing her just because.
He's loving her just because.
When God made us the crown of His creation, He made us with the intention to love us.
He knew what we would be, He knew our love was conditional.
But His isn't.
He chose to love us, just because. He chooses to love us, just because.
His love for us isn't something for us to understand now, or even ever. It is a gift, it is something we get to receive and just sit in.
How wonderful it feels to just keep your chin down, to just receive those forehead kisses.
To not feel worthy of love, but to just be loved.
God loves me.
Not because I'm worthy of it, but because He said He would.
Not because He is only faithful to me, but because He is faithful to Himself and His covenant.
God loves you.
Not because you are worthy of it, because He said He would.
So drop your prideful head, and let Him kiss your crown.
Because you are the crown of His creation,
and He loves you
just because.
