Drowning

Some days,
I feel nothing at all.
Other days,
I feel everything at once.

I don't know what's worst:
Drowning beneath the waves
Or dying from the thirst.

-O.M.



The other day I told a friend that I feel just too damn much.
I say that with frustration, but also with joy.
Because it means that I am working;
It means that this heart of mine is doing exactly what it was designed to do.
The world hasn't manipulated it beyond the Makers repair.



  

Shame for Shade

Skin: the thing that holds us together and still pushes us apart.

I've been hating my skin a lot recently;
Hating the history of it's color, hating that with it is stamped privilege and supremacy.
Hating that it is the first thing seen through the eyes, the first box that we are placed in,
The softest cage that will ever hold us.
It is a cage that binds my mind and thoughts, one that puts hesitation on my lips.
A cage of white.
Because of white, I am told I may not speak on black, brown, red, or yellow.
Because of white, I am told my mind doesn't fathom the rainbow in this world.
Because of white, I must forever carry a shame of my shade.

Shame for shade,
It's nothing new.

I've been hurting for my black brothers and sisters a lot lately;
Hurting for the pain that I'll never understand, hurting that empathy will never be enough.
Hurting in the realization of the generational pain and anger that flows through blood.
The deepest pain that will ever hold you.
It is a pain that binds your mind and heart, one that puts anger on your lips.
The pain of the past.

Because of black, you were forced from your home, sold for labor, bled this land.
Because of black, you could not speak.
Because of black, you were hung from trees.
Because of black, you were ignored.
Because of black, you fought to be seen, heard, and recognized as equal.

Shame for shade,
It's nothing new.
But it's nothing right, and it must stop.

I've been loving my God a lot recently;
Loving the way He is so creative, loving the way He formed humanity.
Loving the way He made us all different, and yet all so beautiful, all in the image of Him.
The most dignifying image we will ever have.
It is an image that binds my mind and heart, one that puts boldness on my lips, that ignites me with Joy knowing that I am not in a cage.
You are not in a cage.
These souls of ours couldn't be held within this flesh, our being is not held in these walls.
Our value is not skin deep.
Our value is due to love; the love that flows from this God, who created us in beauty and dignity.

Shame for shade,
It can be healed.

Because of love, we are no longer caged.
Because of love, we can confess the past and plead forgiveness for the future.
Because of love, we can heal this flesh wound.
Because of love, we feel no shame.

Because of love, we are free to love.