Some days,
I feel everything as once.
Other days,
I feel nothing at all.
I don't know what's worse:
Drowning beneath the waves
Or dying from the thirst.
There is a lot to be said about the many thoughts and feelings in my mind and heart.
They have eaten away at me this past year, and honestly, are what inspired me to start blogging.
It's only taken 23 years, but I now know that in order for me to fully contemplate, mediatate, and understand my ideas, thoughts, and, ultimately, my world view, I must express it verbally or written in a way to hear it or see it outside of my cluttered head.
I have 8 drafts waiting to be completed, and 7,239 thoughts behind each draft waiting to be made sense of in this mind. As I've worked on each draft, I feel as though my thoughts are a carousel going round and round, up and down, but really not going anywhere. As I have new conversations, hear new lectures or sermon, or have a new feeling, it's like a new thought hops on the spinning chaos and adds a whole new twist of madness, changing whatever "progress" I've made in my mind.
And then there are days when it all shuts down. I turn everything off.
I watch a movie, and maybe 3 more, to distract my brain from thinking these trivial thoughts on life and I resist the urge of my heart to feel its natural emotional self by telling it to rest, and that I don't have the energy to feel today.
But, today a conclusion has been made. I will never understand, grow, or learn without the input of others. So I post my scattered strange thoughts for all to see and I hope that I will get a response or input of wisdom. Whether it be easy words or hard, encouragment or rebuke, all input is welcome with (I hope) an open mind and heart. So, please, throw your thoughts onto my crazy carousel and let's take this wild ride of understanding together.
I have 8 drafts waiting to be completed, and 7,239 thoughts behind each draft waiting to be made sense of in this mind. As I've worked on each draft, I feel as though my thoughts are a carousel going round and round, up and down, but really not going anywhere. As I have new conversations, hear new lectures or sermon, or have a new feeling, it's like a new thought hops on the spinning chaos and adds a whole new twist of madness, changing whatever "progress" I've made in my mind.
And then there are days when it all shuts down. I turn everything off.
I watch a movie, and maybe 3 more, to distract my brain from thinking these trivial thoughts on life and I resist the urge of my heart to feel its natural emotional self by telling it to rest, and that I don't have the energy to feel today.
But, today a conclusion has been made. I will never understand, grow, or learn without the input of others. So I post my scattered strange thoughts for all to see and I hope that I will get a response or input of wisdom. Whether it be easy words or hard, encouragment or rebuke, all input is welcome with (I hope) an open mind and heart. So, please, throw your thoughts onto my crazy carousel and let's take this wild ride of understanding together.
