Hidden In My Heart

Memorization has never been a strength for me, but it's a necessary habit. 

Growing up, my parents were very good about having weekly Scripture verses for us children to memorize. We would read them, talk about it, repeat it, write it out, and often make a song and/or hand gestures to go along with the meaning in order to utilize all of the senses in memorization. Surprisingly, I still remember a great deal of these verses. Unfortunately, after the constant structure of this weekly exercise was no longer forced upon me, I had no personal desire to continue this valuable habit. I can't remember the last time I disciplined myself to memorize a verse. That makes me really sad. 

So, one of the positive habits I would like to form in this new year is the weekly memorization of Scripture... Which actually started the last week of last year. 

Having no idea where to begin in searching for the "right verses", since ALL scripiture is God breathed and is useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting and training (2 Timothy 3:16) I decided to allow Christ to reveal to me which verses to study from the weekly sermons at my Sunday morning church gathering to memorize. 

So far, I have commited to memorize Ephesians 3:16-21, this is the passage my pastor has done a 2 week series on. This prayer is so rich in honorable desires for the Christian church. This is a prayer that I pray for the global church, for my community, and for myself. 

I pray that out of His glorious riches He may strengthen you 

with power through His spirit in your inner being,

so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith.

And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power,

together will all the saints, to grasp 

how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ,

and to know this love that suppasses knowledge-

that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God. 

Now to Him who is able to do immesurably more than all we ask or imagine,

according to his power that is at work within us,

to Him be the glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations,

for ever and ever! Amen. 

Ephesians 3:16-21

Why memorize scripture? 

Psalm 119:11 I have hidden your word in my heart, that I may not sin against you.

Deuteronomy 11:18 Fix these words of mine in your hearts and minds; tie them as symbols on your hands and bind them on your foreheads.

Psalm 1:2 ...His delight is in the law of the Lord, and on His law he meditates day and night.

Jeremiah 15:16 When your words came, I ate them; they were my joy and my heart's delight...

Psalm 37:30-31 The mouth of the righteous man utters wisdom, and his tongue speaks what is just. The law of his God is in his heart, his feet do not slip.

Proverbs 6:21-22 Bind them upon your heart forever; fasten them around your neck. When you walk, they will guide you, when you sleep, they will watch over you, when you wake, they will speak to you. 

Proverbs 22:17-18 Pay attention and listen to the sayings of the wise; apply your heart to what I teach, for it is pleasing when you keep them in your heart and have all them ready on your lips.

Philipians 4:8 Finally brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable- if anything is excellent or praiseworthy-think about such things.

There are so so so many more, but here are just some that I hope will inspire you to take up this discipline with me. Maybe after each month I'll post the weekly verses, by memory of course. 

The Drafts (8)

Some days, 

I feel everything as once.

Other days,

I feel nothing at all.

I don't know what's worse:

Drowning beneath the waves

Or dying from the thirst.

           There is a lot to be said about the many thoughts and feelings in my mind and heart.

They have eaten away at me this past year, and honestly, are what inspired me to start blogging. 

It's only taken 23 years, but I now know that in order for me to fully contemplate, mediatate, and understand my ideas, thoughts, and, ultimately, my world view, I must express it verbally or written in a way to hear it or see it outside of my cluttered head.
          I have 8 drafts waiting to be completed, and 7,239 thoughts behind each draft waiting to be made sense of in this mind. As I've worked on each draft, I feel as though my thoughts are a carousel going round and round, up and down, but really not going anywhere. As I have new conversations, hear new lectures or sermon, or have a new feeling, it's like a new thought hops on the spinning chaos and adds a whole new twist of madness, changing whatever "progress" I've made in my mind.
        And then there are days when it all shuts down. I turn everything off.
I watch a movie, and maybe 3 more, to distract my brain from thinking these trivial thoughts on life and I resist the urge of my heart to feel its natural emotional self by telling it to rest, and that I don't have the energy to feel today.
        But, today a conclusion has been made. I will never understand, grow, or learn without the input of others. So I post my scattered strange thoughts for all to see and I hope that I will get a response or input of wisdom. Whether it be easy words or hard, encouragment or rebuke, all input is welcome with (I hope) an open mind and heart. So, please, throw your thoughts onto my crazy carousel and let's take this wild ride of understanding together.

His Beauty

... all write dark things against me.

I deny them not, frame no excuse,

But confess, "Father, I have sinned";

Yet still I live, & fly repenting to Thy outstretched arms;

Thou wilt not cast me off,

For Jesus brings me near

Thou wilt not condemn me

For He died in my stead

Thou wilt not mark my mountains of sins against me

For He leveled all

& His beauties cover my deformities.

Oh, my God, I bid farewell to sin

By clinging to His cross,

Hiding in His wounds,

& sheltering in His side. 

Divine Mercies

-The Valley of Vision