October 24th, 2017

Just had an "aha" moment this morning while I was brushing my teeth:

I've never been able to get behind this whole "love yourself" ordeal that the world throws around (and even the church has been picking up). Understanding self value, knowing you have purpose, and not questioning those two things don't go hand and hand with this completely unredeeming idea of self love, in my opinion. 

But this morning as I struggled to think why I have such issue with this promotion, it hit me that it's yet another coping mechanism we are drawn to because of our inability to fully understand the perfect and satisfying love of our God.

When we don't know how dearly loved we are by our Creator, of course we seek that love elsewhere, even from ourselves. But even from ourselves, that will NEVER be a satisfying love since we are flawed and incapable. It's not "you can't love others until you learn to love yourself", it's "you can't learn to love others until you've learned how loved you are"! Oh it is not about loving yourself, it is not about loving myself. It is always and has always been about us coming to a greater understanding about how loved we are. 

I don't know about you, but this is such an epiphany for me. This is so very freeing, knowing that it's not about my ability to love myself and feel secure in it, but knowing I will ALWAYS be unable to love myself and others without knowing how loved I am and how loved they are. 

You can't love others, until you learn how loved you are.

My Deep Disappointment.

It has been a hard weekend for our country- mourning the death of a young woman named Heather Heyer, arguing over the social structures and dynamics of our country’s history and presence, and (my personal and ultimate pain) seeing the church’s failure to respond to these social and political divides in a Christ-like way.

That being said, I want to unpack how the church is called to respond to this world that we are in but not of. We are constantly complaining, angered and frustrated with the current state of our country; it’s in almost every conversation, sermon, and Facebook post (and these feelings are completely in the right). But my concern and my conviction lies with our lack of remembering where our foundation is and where we find our hope. Yes, we are disappointed with this world but that shouldn’t surprise us or hurt us- this world has, is and will always fail those within it. Whatever good that is found in it is a grace to enjoy, but this world is not ours to cling to; this world is not eternal. Our disappointment should be with what IS eternal- the church. The only thing that will last from this decaying world is us, the body of Christ. So why do we spend time remarking on our disappointment with the dead things? Does that engagement not put more emphasis on the dead and dying? Does this hopelessness not poison our own hearts and lives when we choose to exist in it? If we are living in the disappointment and hopelessness of this world, what was the point of Christ taking it all on the cross?

My heart hurts when I think about the current political divide in this country, but what especially pierces my heart is how that influence has divided the church. We have allowed secular culture to dictate our theology and doctrine rather than allowing theology and doctrine to create a new Christ-centered culture within the body. If the church continues to bend it’s knee to the era’s significant societal status quo, we will be no different from the rest of the world. And if Jesus calls us “new creations” in Him, aren’t we supposed to be different?

Martin Luther King Jr. said it best in his Letter From Birmingham Jail when he said, “In deep disappointment I have wept over the laxity of the church. But be assured that my tears have been tears of love. There can be no deep disappointment where there is not deep love. Yes, I love the church. How could I do otherwise? I am in the rather unique position of being the son, the grandson and the great grandson of preachers. Yes, I see the church as the body of Christ. But, oh! How we have blemished and scarred that body through social neglect and through fear of being nonconformists.”

He goes on to say, “There was a time when the church was very powerful--in the time when the early Christians rejoiced at being deemed worthy to suffer for what they believed. In those days the church was not merely a thermometer that recorded the ideas and principles of popular opinion; it was a thermostat that transformed the mores of society. Whenever the early Christians entered a town, the people in power became disturbed and immediately sought to convict the Christians for being "disturbers of the peace" and "outside agitators."' But the Christians pressed on, in the conviction that they were "a colony of heaven," called to obey God rather than man. Small in number, they were big in commitment. They were too God-intoxicated to be "astronomically intimidated." By their effort and example they brought an end to such ancient evils as infanticide and gladiatorial contests. Things are different now. So often the contemporary church is a weak, ineffectual voice with an uncertain sound. So often it is an archdefender of the status quo. Far from being disturbed by the presence of the church, the power structure of the average community is consoled by the church's silent--and often even vocal--sanction of things as they are.”

How does this play into the current state of division in the church? How can we represent Christ and diligently obey the mission to love this world to Him if we are not acting as one? If we were truly “God-intoxicated” would we be so quickly intimidated and divided by opposing political (or any) view at all? If our foundation truly was Christ, would we not unite upon that solid ground with more confidence in Jesus as our source of unity?

These are difficult questions, I know. But we need to be challenging ourselves if we are going to be the church that claims the name of Christ. 

This is a lesson from Redemption Hill Church's Summer Dinner Series. The pastor answers these questions straight from the scriptures. Please take some time and listen to it this week. I truly believe it will be a tremendous form of encouragement and hope for you as it was for me.

http://redemptionhill.com/2017-summer-dinner-series-week-1/

Tune My Ears To Hear Thy Voice

We are so easily distracted. I guess as sheep that is expected.

We are so easily (maybe even readily) misdirected from our focus being on Jesus and the path in which He is leading us. It’s as though every shiny object and every pretty sound causes our heads to turn from our fixed focus on this narrow road He has called us on.

The wonderful and well-known hymn, Come Thou Fount, has a beautiful lyric that says, “Bind my wandering heart to Thee. Prone to wander Lord I feel it, prone to leave the God I love.” Oh! How true these words speak to my rebellious and easily distracted nature. Are we Israelites or what? We have so much evidence and proof of God’s good and perfect will, and yet we still turn and choose our own way.

In the same hymn, there is another line that says, “Tune my heart to sing Thy grace.” This has always been a favorite line of mine, because it truly is an earnest prayer that my heart would be at a constant state of praise before my Creator, King, and Savior. A few weeks ago, as I was in prayer before my God, I began praying, “Tune my ear to hear Thy voice.” In a world and culture as loud as ours, we are more distractible than ever. There are a million different sounds and voices that the enemy can (and will) use to misdirect our ears from hearing the good and beautiful truth spoken by our Father. Whether this be in the form of lies or twisting truth, it is all a distraction from the evil one to get us out of tune with the voice of Christ.

As a visual person, I imagine a small radio seeker by my ear, implanted in my skin; a control to tune my ear drum to the voice of Truth or the voice of the liar. I imagine thin, pointy, grey fingers with burnt, cracked skin, reaching to the knob to twist the dial, slowly tuning me to the quiet and almost lovely whispers of his lies. I see a second hand, smooth and soft to the touch, reaching to the wrist of the liar’s hand; gently ripping the influence of the deadly hand away from His child’s ear, before tuning the gage back to the sound of His own voice.

As children, and as sheep, it’s so difficult for us to decipher what is truth, what is twisted truth, and what is a lie. That is why praying for God to continually “tune our ears to hear His voice”, is so SO important. In this distracting world, there is so much for these ears to hear- but there is only one voice that we should be in tuned with. That is the voice of our Creator, King and Savior, the only source of truth.

Coffeehouse Funeral- A Freehanded Poem

In brick & glass & iron & air
I can't breath here

Spending more on waste
As I waste time not mine to spend

There is death on the walls
The walls & faces wear stone alike

Behind the stone, behind the skin
Behind the glass, behind these walls

There is life.

The trees breath air I wish to taste
The sky fills with lungs I envy

Raining into spaces longing to be filled
To grow into places unready & unwanted

We hide in places where death reigns
And shut the doors to life

There is life.

It can't be tasted here
It's stained & artificial

I will not waste away here
This is not my tomb.

There is life.

Outside. 

Daily Student

One of my nephews favorite place to go is Piedmont park (or any park really).
Not just for the various playground options, but just to wander and wonder.
He picks up leaves and looks at the patterns; he can spy the most unnoticed beauties of creation.
He has an eye for the hidden treasures of this world.
This past week, I took him and his brother out hoping they would run and use up some energy (and selfishly that I would get a breath of fresh air and give my mind some rest from a very stressful week).
But naturally, this mind doesn't rest.
We did our regular routine of playground, baseball (with stick and acorns), the other playground, tree climbing, and finally a visit with the ducks.
As we crossed the bridge and made our way onto the gazebo that sits on the water, the boys eagerly leaned over to awe at the ducks, as if they hadn't seen them 7,429 times before.
We sat on the gazebo wall, wishing we had some bread crumbs to share with our friends.
Out of a quick silence, my dear observant nephew, in the sweetest tone, softly said, "Look at how different they all are! That one is a brown duck, that one is a white duck, that one has green feathers, that one has grey and white feathers! That one has a mohawk! And that one is a geese! And they are all friends and have a home together!"
That was all it took.
A four year old boy sees the differences and he doesn't ignore them, rather, he delights in them.
He points them out and the beauty of the individuality that each was created with.
He doesn't shame the one with the feathers sticking straight up, or the one that's smaller, or the plain white one that doesn't have as elaborate colors- he celebrates them all exactly how they were created.
And what an exquisite mosaic they make as they flow through the water, regarding one another and sharing their home.
You know my exact thoughts in this moment. They are the same thoughts you are having now.
We are an exquisite mosaic, different in shape and color, but spectacular in our individual creation.
How are we failing to see this bigger picture?
I wish there was a gazebo in the clouds that we could look down from and see the intricate designs that weave the tapestry of humanity. I wish we could see through the eyes of a child, just how simple it could be to deliberately choose to flow through this world, regarding one another as equally necessary and purposed as ourselves. I wish we could see difference and choose to see it as beautiful, not intimidating.
Love is a choice. It doesn't come naturally, that is what makes it all the more powerful- when we choose to love when we have every reason not to.

But is there ever a truly good enough reason not to love?

As the Watchman Waits

People have asked me what my blog title is about, so I thought I'd do some explaining: 

Throughout the Old Testament, there are numerous allegories of watchmen waiting at their post in anticipation for the sun to rise; always on their guard through the night, but in hope to see the sun so that they may rest. 

My favorite of these references is found in Psalm 130:

Out of the depths I cry to you, Lord;
Lord, hear my voice.
Let your ears be attentive
    to my cry for mercy.
 If you, Lord, kept a record of sins,
    Lord, who could stand?
 But with you there is forgiveness,
    so that we can, with reverence, serve you.
 I wait for the Lord, my whole being waits,
    and in his word I put my hope.
 I wait for the Lord
    more than watchmen wait for the morning,
    more than watchmen wait for the morning.
Israel, put your hope in the Lord,
    for with the Lord is unfailing love
    and with him is full redemption.
 He himself will redeem Israel
    from all their sins.

Psalm 130

These watchmen are an example of the Church.

We are watchmen over the city; on guard through the night, anticipating the coming of the Son. We wait anxiously, awaiting His return, knowing that we will not find rest until that time.  

This blog is written for the Christian; for those waiting in anticipation for Jesus, struggling through this night of life, clinging to the promise of dawn. It is for my fellow watchmen who are seeking to be faithful to their King in their duties to guard, protect, warn, and prepare their city. We who are weary in this long night, we who desire to serve our King and His nation correctly, we who long to be identified as steadfast servants, we who crave to hear "Well done" at the Son's long expected return. 

I am a watchman for this world.

Jesus has left me with the duty of guarding this world, warning it from harm, protecting it from the enemy's destructive plans, and preparing it for His return. 
He has called you, Christian, to the same.
And I'll tell you what, this job is no joke.

As a young Christian, it is difficult to not only live in this world, but to love it through serving it the ways my Commander has taught me. 
The city is stubborn, caught up in it's own ways, full of arrogance yet naive to the realities of the danger it faces. 

But, regardless of it's stature, we must be steadfast to serve it, lead it, and love it. Correctly.

Correctly is a key word in the equation.
It takes the relativity from it's high horse that has taken charge of the common mind. 
My God's love is not relative, therefore our love should not be as well. 
More importantly, my God doesn't love according to our (current understanding of) love, He loves us with His perfect, correct form of love.
He in His perfect creating of it, knows exactly how to act upon it; how to put the perfection of the word into perfecting the action. 

Like all perfect, good and beautiful ideas that God creates, we take and pervert them in our own shallow understanding- hence why love has become a relative term. 

We are called to love this world correctly, and we have failed to do so. You know this.

So, how do we love correctly? How do we wake up from dozing, rise to our post, and do our duties correctly? How do we keep one another alert and eager yet patient and gracious as we struggle through this difficult yet honorable position? 

I do not have the answers, but I know who does.
In this waiting, I put my struggles before you, brothers and sisters, from my thoughts to my words to my keyboard, hoping that we will yearn to do this correctly, and strive to act like the people that Christ has died for.

"More than the watchmen wait for the morning,

       More than the watchmen wait for the morning."

"He Himself is our Peace"

So to begin my year, I have been going through Ephesians for my personal devotion time.
Have you read this stuff??
It's insane!
I've read through this book many times, but for this season of life God is truly sanctifying my heart in  new ways through some incredible truths.

Reading Chapter two shook me to my core yesterday; convicting me and compelling me.
I have been so disobedient to my Jesus.


I posted a photo last week of my feet on a Japanese train station platform. During my time home, I was taking a series of photos of "patterns from my past", and the dotted yellow lines are ones that flooded my mind with memories of my childhood. The yellow line represents the barrier you are suppose to stand behind as the train comes.
My sweet sister pointed out to me that this photo represents my "Straddling the lines, pushing limits, embracing a little rebellion..." My stubborn heart is evident to all. It's a characteristic that can be both a strength and a weakness (most characteristics are this way).
This year, I plan on harnessing this characteristic in my blogging. I have been told in the past that I'm not allowed to speak on certain topics for petty reasonings. But I'm officially calling BS on that.
Christ has been pressing on my heart for over a year to speak on difficult topics; controversial topics that need to be discussed. I have been disobedient because of the fear of people's responses and critiques, it has kept me quiet on so many issues I feel compelled to speak on.
I will stubbornly (but lovingly) choose to obey my Jesus and not the world (a struggle I have had).
So here I go, straddling the line, pushing limits, and embracing my rebellious nature for the sake of keeping myself and others uncomfortable with the state we are in. Topics of controversy are some of my favorite, because I feel they are ones that hold the deepest sheltered truths- thus people wish to keep those truths unexposed for the sake of "comfortability". Let's get uncomfortable. Let's discuss difficult topics. Let's break down these barriers that we refuse to acknowledge. Let's flee from the pathetic estate of being a culture that merely "tolerates" one another and seek to be a culture that LOVES one another despite differences- that can't be done when we are too afraid to discuss differences.
So, with humility and love and with hope in truth and the power that it holds, I invite you to join me in some terrifying and uncomfortable conversations that are long overdue.
My hope is in Christs ability to bring unity through His redemption and His ability to reconcile what is broken in me, in you, and in this world.
Yesterday, as I feasted on Ephesians, my heart was so freed in the beautiful truths of chapter 2 verses 14-16.
"For He Himself is our peace, who has made the two one, and has destroyed barriers, the dividing wall of hostility... His purpose was to create in Himself one new man out of the two, thus making peace, and in this one body to reconcile both of them to God through the cross, by which He put to death their hostility."
This is what Jesus has for us, this peace was His full purpose.
With this knowledge, how can I not strive to obtain what Jesus has in store for this world?
Through Him, and Him only, can these differences be discussed and dismembered for the sake of peace. Gods peace is not the lack of conflict, but rather the love and grace expressed amidst conflict.
So as we seek this peace, we have to acknowledge that differences shouldn't be seen as barriers to cause hostility, but rather greater reason to cling to Jesus to bring unity despite differences.
I need to cling to Jesus. My heart struggles so much with what differs from me, but I believe that as I cling to Jesus, He will help me to love more and more what I do not understand.
I believe He will do that for each of us as we all cling to Him and cling to His promise of restoring our brokenness.
In the knowledge that topics being discussed may bring strife, I will be praying (and hope you pray with me) that our ultimate and common goal would be loving and gracious discussion that respresents the peace that Ephesians is talking about. Through Christ and Christ alone can these barriers be brought down.